Collection of Soviet, East German and Cold War jokes（1）

1.

Agent of Western countries rally in Black Forest, trying to figure out who is the most powerful. The agents got a task: to grab a wild boar. All the teams are on the road. After a child, the people from the US Central Intelligence Agency returned and took back a meat ball with a blurred flesh and flesh. After testing, it was confirmed that it was the body of the wild boar.

"Yes," the referee said, "One hundred points."

Two hours later, the agent of Mosad in Israel also returned and brought back a nest of wild boars. Each pig died in the head.

"Yes," the referee said, "two hundred points."

People continue to wait, it's dark. It wasn't until the sun was going down the mountain that people heard the noise of the woods, and the people from the German Federal Intelligence Agency came back: Four people grasped a desperate male deer. You are a wild boar! "

2.

Female teachers ask students what a painting can be described as a painting.

A student said: "I imagine East Germany is a tree. In the national alliance led by the Soviet Union, the deep leaves grow up, growing up, and it is getting more and more lush."

The second student said: "I imagine East Germany is a large tractor with a huge rake. Everywhere he has cultivated and prosperous."

FRITZCHEN said: "I imagine East Germany is a luxurious giant wheel, breaking the waves, people standing on the deck ..."

The female teacher said, "A beautiful picture, fritzchen."

"People standing on the deck vomit, vomit, and vomit."

3..

A metal processing plant produces a metal wire, which is so slender that there is no brand - name measuring instrument in East Germany that can measure its thickness.

A section of metal silk was packed and shipped to Japan, allowing them to measure the thickness. Unfortunately, the manager forgot to attach the instructions and told the Japanese what the metal wire did. Three months later, the package was sent back. All high - level German high - levels gathered together and opened the package:

"Sorry we don't know what the purpose of using this metal silk, we still cut the thread on its inside and outside surface."

4. 4..

Hermut Cole went to hell. The devil asked him: "How many times did your life lie to your people?"

Cole said embarrassedly, "Just 10 times ..." He was punctured for 10 stitches as punishment.

Gorbachev also went to hell. The devil also asked him how many times he lied to his people.

"100 times," Gorbachev admitted, so he was stabbed as a punishment.

Suddenly the room next door made a huge dazzling shock!

Cole asked the devil curiously, what happened.

"Oh, that's Eris Oneck,"

"What's wrong with him? Where did you put him?"

"He needs to stay under the sewing machine for a week."

5.

A pair of West Germany moved his son to East Germany.

The son returned from school on the first day of the fourth grade. The father asked, "What is the situation?"

The son said, "Oh, great, Daddy, they learned the letters F, and I learned T."

My father said, "Of course, you are a child of West Germany!"

The next day, my father asked about the situation again.

The son said, "Oh, great, Daddy, they can only count to 10, and I can count to 35."

My father said, "Of course, you are a child of West Germany!"

After a day, my father asked the same question again. The son said, "It's great, Daddy! We started the sports meeting today. I found that they were all thin, and I was much tall and higher than them."

My father said, "Of course, my young man, you are 27 years old."

6.

A Americans chat with the Soviet ...

The Americans said: "Our country is so free, and people do whatever they want. For example, I have even peeing in front of the White House in Washington recently, and no one cares about it."

The Russians said: "What is this? I still pulled shit on the red field!"

Americans explained: "Well, I admit that in fact, for the sake of insurance, I observe that there is no one after the left and right ..."

The Russians also acknowledged: "In fact, when I shit, I did not unlock my pants ..."

7.

Husband and lover raped the bed in bed. Essence Essence Essence

He shocked:

"You two SBs are still at home! Come to the supply and marketing cooperative is orange !!!"

8.

A American, Russians, and democratic Germans sitting on the train. Essence Essence

The Americans exported gum from their pockets and spit out the window after chewing in their mouths.

In the face of the surprise of others, he explained: Oh, we have this!

The Russians then opened a bottle of vodka and threw it out of the window after drinking a sip: We also have this!

Immediately after the democratic Germans threw the Russians out of the window. Essence Essence Essence

9.

The worker representative asked Khrushchev: "Why do you refuse to implement the 6 - hour work system?"

Khrushchev replied: "After the 6 - hour work system is implemented, you will have more time to compile irony.

10.

Khrushchev gave a new car to Castro, but there was no steering wheel.

Castro sent a telegram to Khrushchev: "Please send the steering plate, otherwise I can't start this car."

Khrushchev's transmission newspaper replied: "You just need to sit up, and then close your eyes. I have a remote control here."

11.,
One day at the banquet at the Kremlin, Khrushchev just grabbed the meat with his hands. Stalin next to him frowned and told Khrushchev: "Nikita Sergeyevic, Use a knife. "

When Khrushchev heard it, he immediately took a knife and stood up- "Comrade Stalin, who do you want to kill?"

12.

Once Khrushchev visited the United States, he told Eisenhower that he saw many Americans alcohol. Eisenhower was surprised by this, and he did not think that there were more alcoholics in the United States than other countries.

But Khrushchev insisted on his point.

So, Eisenhower took out a pistol from the desk drawer and handed it to Khrushchev and said, "If you encounter a drunk drunk, I allow you to shoot at him."

Khrushchev put his pistol in his pocket and came to New York.

He spent the night in the Soviet Embassy in the United Nations and walked around the New York City the next morning.

He met a drunk at Parker Road and No. 8 Street, and he shot a drunken ghost.

Then, the second shot fired at another drunk at Madison Road and 82 Street.

At the third drunk, the third drunk was fired at the third drunkenness.

The next day, various newspapers in New York published news on the front page: "Three Soviet diplomats were mysteriously assassinated."

13.

An American and a Soviet were sentenced to hell. The devil told them: "You have two options: American and Soviet - style hell. In American hell, you can do everything, but you must eat a bucket of shit every morning.

In Soviet - style hell, you can also do whatever you want, but you have to eat two barrels of shit every morning. "

American gangsters immediately chose American - style hell. The Soviets eventually chose their motherland.

They met again a week later. The Soviets asked, "What are you?"

Americans replied: "It is indeed as the devil said. My hell is pretty good. Just a bucket of shit every day wants me. What about you?"

"It's almost like you, but you ca n’t eat shit. You know, the Soviet Union is short of everything."

14.

The Soviet Union issued a stamp of Brezhnev's images, but it was always unable to stick. Some people were wrong, and some people licked the direction.

15.
Question: Why can't Brezhnev go abroad?

Answer: Because the former is a battery, the latter is connected to the wire.

(Note: Brezhnev uses a pacemaker, Andropov uses a dialysis machine)

16.

Khrushchev sent his newly produced sausage to analyze abroad, and soon got the result:

"Mr. Khrushchev, there is no parasite in your feces."

17.
The aunt in Moscow Kindergarten said to the children: "In the Soviet Union, everyone eats full and can also have beautiful clothes; in the Soviet Union, people live in beautiful houses; in the Soviet Union, all children have many toys ""

"I want! I want! I want to go to the Soviet Union!"

18.

After Stalin's death, he was welcomed by God in heaven. When Khrushchev went to see God, God was motionless in his seat. Khrushchev found the chair and sat opposite God, asking, "Why don't you get up and welcome me?"

God said: "As soon as I leave the seat, you will snatch it."

19.
A bridge expert in the Soviet Union was invited to a colleague of Romania when he visited Romania. The villa of the guest praised the owner is very luxurious.

The owner took the guest to the window: "Have you seen the bridge?"

Soviet bridge expert: "See you."

Romanian engineer: "This is the reason! I saved some money in order to build this bridge."

After a year, Romanian engineers returned to visit, and he praised the owner's villa very luxurious.

The owner took the guest to the window: "Have you seen a bridge?"

Romanian engineer: "I didn't see it."

Soviet bridge expert: "You can understand what is going on."

20.

A woman bathed in a public bathroom in a house where several family members lived, and the neighbors stood in a small stool in the corridor and looked inside through the glass on the door.

This woman said after discovering, "What do you see! I haven't seen it!"

Neighbors: "I have to see, whose soap are you using!"

twenty one.
Comrade Leonid went to New Delhi to visit Mr. Izira and found that ASani urinated everywhere and snickered.

Mr. Ingla was very unhappy. When he went back to Moscow, he looked for the streets. Emperor Tian was relieved, and Mr. Wingdra finally found that someone was poured on the side of the road.

Comrade Leonid was shameful, ordered the investigation, and replied to say-

"That man is the Ambassador to the Soviet Union in the Soviet Union."

twenty two.
The two men and a woman fell into the deserted island after the shipwreck.

If the two men are Spanish, they will use duel to decide who has that woman;

If they are French, one is a woman's husband, and the other is her lover;

If they are Soviets, they will stuff the report into the bottle and let the water drift back to the motherland. Ask the superiors to instruct them who can marry her as a wife.

twenty three.
Every night, Bush saw George Washington in his dream. He said to Washington, "What should I do to help my country?"

Washington said: "Be an honest model, just like me."

The next night, Bush saw Thomas Jay in his dream. He said to Jefferson, "What should I do to help my country?"

Jefferson said: "Tax reduction, narrowing the government scale, just like me."

On the third night, Bush saw Abraham Lincoln in his dream. He said to Lincoln, "What should I do to help my country?"

Lincoln considered it and replied: "Go to the theater to watch the scene." (Note: President Lincoln was assassinated and killed in theater)

twenty four.

The poor soldiers of the Soviet Union were martial arts, and the material was short of material.

Director of the military demand, accompanied by a soldier, went to the barracks to inspect the material supply.

They walked near the oil depot and found a cigarette butt on the ground.

Director of the Military Division said: "Who is this cigarette butt?!"

The next class looked around, and said happily: "It seems that no one is, gay colonel, pick it up quickly!"

25.
The following forces were used in the Soviet art - made satellite test:

East German rocket;

Romania's energy;

Czech electronic equipment;

Russian dogs.

26.

A military exercise was ongoing, and a jeep of a commander was trapped into the mud. He saw several nearby soldiers sit on the ground lazily. Then call them to help.

"Sorry, Comrade Commander, we have been killed and we can't do anything."

The commander turned to their drivers: "The driver comrades! Hurry up and drag two from these dead corpses to fill under the wheels so that we can get on the road quickly."

The soldiers jumped from the ground immediately.

27.

Some people like to tell jokes;

Some people like to collect jokes to say jokes;

Some people like to collect jokes.

Original link:
[Knowing the Xinghe Bubble: Soviet (Su Xiu), Eastern Europe and Cold War jokes (2)] [2]