Collection of Soviet, East German and Cold War jokes（6）

132.

Soviet - style election:

The first Soviet election was invented by God. God took Eve to Adam and announced: "Choose your wife! Child."

133.

At the Politburo Meeting, Brezhnev said with a sharp way: "The comrades all said that my three memoirs were written well, and one day for me, I read it."

(Note: Brezhnev won three memoirs of Lenin Literature Awards "Small Dades", "Revival", and "Reclamation Land" after their death.)

134.

After Stalin's death, because Khrushchev was regarded as a taboo, he hoped to bury Stalin's body overseas, so the Soviet Union sought his willingness from various countries:

British: There are already Churchill on our side, and one of the heroes of the war is enough.

Germany: There are already Hitler on our side, and there are too many dictators.

At this time, Israel said it was acceptable. But Khrushchev's face immediately turned blue, and he was desperately opposed--

"Damn! Someone has been resurrected before!"

135.

Forty - year - old classmate party at Moscow University, Lydmila recognized Vasili, who had been in love at a glance. Everyone asked, how could they recognize their lover from a bunch of old men so soon?

"Because he is still wearing the coat of that year!"

136.

A gangster tried to hijack the Soviet civil aviation aircraft to London, but it was stopped by a heroic farmer on the spot by a heroic Azerbaijanan. The reporter interviewed the farmers of this Azerbaijanan so brave, but the farmers whispered:

——Early, I secretly brought two boxes of cabbage on the plane and planned to sell it to Moscow. If the bastard took us to London, the two boxes of cabbage were not worthy.

137.

An earthquake occurred in Moscow yesterday, but scholars doubted this because Moscow was on a non - earthquake belt. Finally after research, not an earthquake, but

Comrade Brezhnev's clothes fell to the ground.

138.

At the 20th National Congress of the CPSU, Khrushchev suddenly disappeared before making a secret report. But after a few minutes, he returned and boarded the podium.

People asked him: "Comrade Khrushchev, where did you go?"

"I went to the tomb of Lenin and looked at it, and there was still a pulse in touching Stalin, just in case."

139.

Khrushchev went to the collective farm to inspect and accidentally fell into the green feed storage cellar. A farmer dragged him up. Khrushchev said to him, "Thank you, good brother. But please don't say that I am in the cellar."

"Comrade Nikita, please don't tell anyone to save you from the cellar."

140.

Nixon, who visited the Soviet Union, asked Brezhnev:

"Why doesn't the Soviet workers do not fight against it?"

Instead, Brezhnev did not answer him, but he brought to the workshop. He said to the workers:

"From tomorrow, you will reduce your salary!" (Applause)

"Willing to improve work hours!" (Applause)

"Every ten people have to hang one!"

141.

Americans, British, and the Soviets boast that they could eat mustard for cats.

The Americans caught the cat and put the mustard to the cat's mouth.

"This is violence!" The Soviet protested.

The British put the mustard in two sausages and eat the cat.

"This is deception!" The Soviet protested.

The Soviets took the mustard on the cat's tail. Cat Ao screamed and licked his tail with his mouth.

"Please note that he is voluntary and sing songs!"

142.

Brezhnev held a speech and began to speak.

"Comrade Jewish nationalists!"

The audience was puzzled, and Brezhnev glanced at the speech again:

"Jewish Republicists! Comrades, they are preparing ...

143.

Robinovic was expelled from the party for three reasons.

A: When the Secretary of the Politburo came to his office, the portraits of Khrushchev and Brezhnev were hung there:

"Why don't you take off this fool yet?"

"Which one?"

B: Seeing the luxurious funeral of the Politburo, Labinovic said:

"It's really a waste of money. I can bury all members of the Politburo with this money."

C: The secretary asked: "Why didn't you attend the last party meeting?"

"How do I know which one is the last time."

144.

Intellectual test during the Soviet Union: What is two kilometers long and always eat cabbage?

Answer: The front row of the Moscow meat shop.

145.

The Soviet Navy Marshal Ivan Iskov has served as a member of the Soviet Union's Deputy Naval People's Chairman since 1938. One day in 1946, Stalin called him and said he was considering appointing him as chief of staff of the Navy. Isaakov replied: "Comrade Stalin, I have to report to you. I have serious defects, and a leg is severely injured in the war."

"Is this the only defect you think you must report?"

"right."

"The former chief of staff didn't even have a mind, and we still insisted on work. You just lack of legs, nothing great." Stalin said.

146.

Secretary: The output of our Soviet leather shoes is twice the United States!

Mass: And the weight is four times that of them!

147.

A cadre to inspect the tree planting work. I saw two young people, one was digging a tree pit, and the other was filled with soil.

The cadre was strange and asked what they were doing.

A young man said: "Peter and Ivan are planting trees. I am responsible for digging the pits. Peter is responsible for inserting tree seedlings. Ivan is responsible for filling the soil. Peter is sick today, but we still have to work! Ivan is here ... "

148.

"Comrade Brezhnev was hospitalized again."

"What surgery?"

"Ship expansion surgery."

"why?"

"There is no place to hang the medal."

149.

Question: What are the common to editors of engineers and newspapers?

Answer: No matter who they are, they can only be wrong once in their lives.

150.

The social change in the Soviet Union was that in the Stalin era, when a stranger knocked on the door, the people in the room stopped talking about political jokes and took out the wine.

After the 1970s, if there are strangers knocking on the door, they will hide the wine and start talking about political jokes.

151.

-Yur, do you believe that with time, political jokes are being re - recognized?

-certainly. In the past, a joke was sentenced to 15 years, and now only 3 years.

152.

The customer asked: Will my money be gone?

Employee: No, we are banks.

-The bank closed?

-It has to have the head office, you can go to the collar.

-The head office also closed down?

-It okay, we still have the Soviet Union.

-What if the Soviet Union closed down?

-What is so distressed to spend tens of thousands of rubles!

153.

The trial of a member of the Interior People's Committee ended the trial work one day, returned to the office, and suddenly laughed alone. The colleagues at the opposite desk asked strangely: "Is there anything funny?"

"Yeah," the judge wiped the tears that smiled with a handkerchief: "A funny joke ..."

"Oh? Listen?"

"Are you crazy?! I just judged the guy who said this joke for five years!"

154.

A different politician was arrested by KGB, and he was charged to distribute leaflets on the red field.

In the court, he asked the judge: You accused me of sending reactionary leaflets, but what I distributed on the red field was all blank paper! Intersection

The judge sneered: Everyone knows what to write on it!

155.

During World War II, a British soldier, a French soldier and a Soviet soldier were captured by the Germans. They were sentenced to death.

Before execution, German soldiers asked if they had any final requirements?

The British said, "I want a glass of beer." He got a glass of beer.

The French said, "I want to drink a glass of wine." - His request was also met.

It was the Soviet turnover, and he said, "Please kick my ass fiercely."

Two German soldiers with large waists came over and kicked him out of the distance. Speaking late, at that time, the Soviets suddenly broke out, and they punching a few German soldiers on the side, winning a rigid gun, knocked all the groups of Germans, and then escaped from the three people.　　 　

On the way to escape, the British and the French said, "Why not do it earlier? We were almost shot!"

The Soviets replied: "If no one kicks the buttocks, the Soviets can do nothing!

156.

The patient had to find an ophthalmologist at a registered place, and people told her that only otolaryngologists and ophthalmologists.

But the patient still insisted: "I still want an ophthalmologist."

The doctor asked: "Where are you abnormal?"

Patient: "I saw one, and I heard it again."

Original link:
[Knowing the Xinghe bubble: Soviet (Su Xiu), Eastern Europe and Cold War jokes (6)] [2]