Collection of Soviet, East German and Cold War jokes（9）

210.

Ivanovic watched TV, and Comrade Brezhnev gave a speech. Ivanovic felt boring, and changed one, or Brezhnev gave a speech, and changed another, or him. Ivanovic dialed dozens of units in a row, and finally tired, ready to turn off the TV. At this time, the TV screen turned into a Club, screaming angrily: "Dare to change it? Dare to change it?

211.

A Americans and Russians have free speeches.

The Americans said: "I can shout‘ down the US imperialism ’in front of the White House. Do you dare to shout‘ knock down Russia ’in front of the Kremlin?”

The Russians are very dissatisfied and said, "What are this. I can shout" Long live Comrade Putin "on the streets of Moscow, do you dare to shout on the streets of New York," Long live President Trump "?"

The Americans smiled slightly and found a helmet and worn on their heads ...

212.

At a international conference at the end of World War II, Stalin laughed at Churchill, who had failed in China: "Mr. Churchill, you won the war, but the people dismissed you; see me, who dares to dismiss me!"

Churchill replied calmly: "My war is to defend the people's right to remove me."

213.

The two armed forces of the Soviet Union were opposed, and both soldiers were ambushed in their respective trenches, and the opportunity to find a shot to get rid of the opponent's position.

The Germans thought of a good way, because the Soviets had many names of Ivan, so they often shouted by the German position: "Ivan?!"

In the Soviet trenches, a person stood up and answered, "What is it?"

"Pop!" The gun rang, and the one named Ivan hung like this.

The Germans tried it repeatedly, and the Soviets finally discovered the mystery. When they were angry, they decided to return their teeth with their teeth. So a day in the Soviet position, they shouted: "Hans?!"

The German trenches quickly answered "Hey, is you Ivan?"

"Yeah!" The Soviet Army quickly stood up and stood up alone ...

214.

Former Soviet archeologists discovered a mummy that spent a long time and could not figure out the age of Mumini.

They heard that the KGB headquarters could solve all problems, so they invited several KGB to help.

Several KGB had a busy morning, and finally sweaty: "Check it clearly, 3147 years old."

Archaeologists are very shocked: "How do you know?"

Kigbvel pointed at Mumini and said, "It's simple, he recruited!"

215.

-In the sail club of the military port, how to judge who is serving on the nuclear submarine?

-It is to see if he will shine in the dark.

(Soviet nuclear submarine and sailors often encounter excessive nuclear radiation)

216.

A Georgian delegation visited Moscow. They were met by Stalin, talked, and then left. Stalin suddenly wanted to smoke, so he began to find his pipe and found that he couldn't find it.

He quickly called Belia.

"Go to chase the delegation and ask who took my pipe," he said.

Belia quickly went to chase the delegation.

Five minutes later, Stalin found his pipe under a pile of paper. His name is Belia: "Look, I found my pipe."

"It's too late," Belia said, "half of the delegation had admitted that they had taken your pipe, and the other half died in the interrogation."

217.

The three prisoners were sent to Gerat. They started to talk about why they came here.

"I came here because I was always late for five minutes to work. They accused me of being destroyed by idle work." The first one said.

"I came here because I always went to work to five minutes earlier, they accused me of a spy," the second one said.

"I came here because I always arrived on time at work," the third said, "they accused me of a Western watch."

218.

A American just came out of Moscow Airport, and he wanted to inquire about time. At this time, a Moscow was walking from his side, holding a heavy box in his hand, very hard. The Americans stopped him and asked him local time. The Moscow put down the box, raised his hand to look at the watch, reported the current time and then there were information such as air pressure temperature and humidity. The Americans were surprised and asked: Can this table have a lot of functions. Is it produced by Soviet technology?

Moscow answered proudly: Yes, it was made by our Soviet Union.

Then he picked up the box again and then said, "The battery is a bit heavy."

219.

During the Vietnam War, Hanoi was lacking and asked the Soviet Union for help.

Soviet Union: Tighten the belt.

Callery from Hanoi: Please give the belt.

220.

An American historian and a Russian historian discuss who leads the first half of the 20th century.

"I vote for Mr. Hoover," the Americans said. "He tried to teach us Americans to stop alcohol!"

"That's fine!" The Russians then said, "I chose Stalin, he tried to teach us Russians not to eat."

221.

The Lenin era was like in the tunnel, and there was darkness around, but there was light in front;

In the era of Stalin, like in a car, one person led the road, half of them were sitting up, and the other half was bumping;

In the era of Khrutiva, just like the visiting group, a person performs alone, and everyone else is laughing;

In the Brezhnev era, everyone was waiting for the field like watching movies.

222.

Q: Can I sit on the hedgehog?

Answer: Yes, but in three cases: the thorn of hedgehogs was shaved; it was the butt of others;

223.

If you are a diplomat, you can always be abroad;

If you are a scientist, you can go out once a year;

If you are an athlete, you can go out once in four years;

If you are a soldier, you will take 12 years to get out of the country once.

(44 years of the defenders' war counterattack, 56 years of wave Hungarian incident, Spring of Brages in 68 years, 79 years in Afghanistan)

224.

Khrushchev visited a school. He asked a student: "Who is your father?"

He replied: "It is the great Bolshevik!"

Khrushchev was very happy, he asked again, "Who is your mother?"

He replied: "It is the great Soviet Union!"

Khrushchev was very satisfied and asked, "Good boy, what kind of person do you want to be in the future?"

The student said, "Orphan."

225.

Two middle school classmates met and then greeting.

"Where are you working now"

"Middle school teacher. How about you?"

"KGB."

"Ah, what are you doing in KGB?"

"We are responsible for the guys who are dissatisfied with the country."

"What do you mean ... there are still people who are more satisfied?"

"Oh, those people do not return to us, and those who are responsible for them are the Discipline Inspection Commission."

226.

A young man in the Soviet Union complained at work: "This kind of government is really bad."

As a result, he was arrested by a secret policeman.

Young people argued: "I didn't talk about which government at all, how could you arrest me casually?"

"You are less deceiving," the secret police roared, "I have been working here for more than 20 years. I don't know which government is bad?"

227.

Brezhnev made a square speech, and the masses heard "... the death of Comrade Brezhnev made us very sad ...", an uproar.

Brezhnev seemed to find something, and put his hand into his pocket and touched it.

"Comrades, I'm sorry. When I left the Politics Bureau, I wore Comrade Androbov's suit."

228.

KGB review ing .....

"Do you love your wife?" The examiner asked.

"Yes."

"Do you love your country?" The examiner asked again.

"Yes."

"Is that one your favorite?" The examiner asked.

"nation."

"Okay, we will take your wife here, and you take this gun to the next room to kill her."

When the man arrived next to the room, it didn't take long for 6 gunfires, and then the crushed sound lasted for several minutes;

The man walked out of the room with a loose tie. He put his pistol on the table. The examiner looked at him and asked, "What happened?"

"The guns you gave me all had empty bombs, and I had to kill her."

229.

Lenin shows how to manage the country

Stalin shows how to not manage the country

Khrushchev tried to show that everyone can manage the country

Brezhnev is indicating that the country does not need to be managed at all

230.

In 1937, the Soviet authorities solicited the century - old bronze statue of the poet Pushkin,

There are three of the masterpieces:

Standing on the Fushkin on the distance standing on the Gaomoto Mountain;

Pushkin, who was hit by bullets during the duel;

The goddess of art puts on the monthly championship for Pushkin.

But the winner is ...

Comrade Stalin, who is reading Pushkin's works.

231.

A blind man met Comrade Belia on the road.

"Hello, Comrade Belia!" The blind greeted the blind.

"Why, can you see me?" Comrade Belia wondered.

"No, Comrade Belia, that's because of the dog who led me to retreat."

232.

Robinovich went on a business trip and went to three cities. They were: Warsaw, Prague, and Paris.

Warsaw and Prague are controlled by the Soviet Union.

When he arrived in Warsaw, he sent a telegram to the unit, saying: "Long live free Warsaw! Labinovic."

At Prague, he sent a telegram to the unit, saying: "Long live the free Prague! Labinovic."

In Paris, he sent another telegram to the unit, saying: "Long live Paris! Free Labinovic."

233.

One day, Gorbachev held a national meeting: "Comrades! At present, the domestic situation is a bit tense, depending on everyone!"

Workers stood up and said: We promise to go to work on time!

Gorbachev Yue, continue to say: In a few days, everyone will be more nervous, maybe someone will be hungry!

The workers also said: We can extend the time!

Gorbachev was a little moved: it will probably have unemployment over time.

Workers answered: It doesn't matter, we will work overtime! Intersection Intersection

Gorbachev's tears: Thank you, but in the end, some people may starve to death!

The workers said loudly: We work continuously for 24 hours. How about, Comrade Gorbachev? Intersection Intersection Intersection

Gorbachev ran down the podium and held the person's hand firmly, saying: ... I ... I should. Essence Essence Essence What should I say, what kind of occupation do you engage in?

The workers were flattered and said in a bad face: I ... I ... I am from the cremation factory. Essence Essence Essence

234.

Once, when Zhu Kefu came out of Stalin's office, he said angrily: "Little Beard Devil!"

Belia, who was in the reception room, heard this sentence. He walked into Stalin's office and told Stalin.

Stalin called Zhu Kufu back. "Comrade Zhu Kefu, when you went out of my office, you said a" Little Beard Devil ", who are you talking about?"

"Hitler! Who else can I say? Comrade Stalin!"

"Comrade Belia, who are you talking about?"

Original link:
[Knowing the Xinghe Bubble: Soviet (Su Xiu), Eastern Europe and Cold War Joke Collection (9)] [2]