Collection of Soviet, East German and Cold War jokes（11）

263.

The Kremlin, Brezhnev picked up the phone to the Presidential Palace of Egypt: "I am Brezhnev, I want to speak with the widow of President Sadat!"

"Widow? President Sadat has always been alive?" A surprised voice came from the other end of the phone.

Lao Bo put down the phone and shouted by the Coggie's head beside him, "Bastard! Why did you postpone the original action time?"

264.

A Moscow citizen on the bus: "Hello, are you, are you KGB?"

"no."

"Then do your family or direct relatives work in KGB?"

"No."

"Do you have a friend in KGB?"

"No."

"Then do you take your feet away, you step on my feet"

265.

During the administration of Brezhnev, the political situation was chaotic.

Someone scolded Julieignev as stupid X, but was sentenced to 2+28 = 30 years. Essence Essence Essence

The reason for the two years is: insulting the leaders of the Soviet Communist Party.

The reason for 28 years is: leaking national secrets.

266.

There are five rules for Soviet intellectuals:

Don't think about everything;

If you must think, don't say it;

If you have to think about it and say it, then don't write it;

If you think about it and write it, then don't sign it;

If you don't follow the above rules, don't be surprised.

267.

Stalin found a mouse in the office. He complained to the chairman of Kalining Province, and the latter thought for a while and said:

"Why don't you stand on a brand:" Collective Farm "?

Such half of the mice will starve to death, and the other half will run away. "

268.

Ivanovic joined the party. He had to be interviewed by the party committee before.

Comrade Ivanovich, are you smoking? "

"Small from time to time."

"Do you know that Comrade Lenin does not smoke and calls for other comrades to smoke?"

"Since Comrade Lenin said this, I will quit smoking."

"do you drink?"

"Drink a little."

"Comrade Lenin strongly opposes alcoholism."

"Then I will quit alcohol."

Comrade Ivanovich, what do you think of women? "

"A little...."

"Do you know Comrade Lenin has strongly condemned immoral behavior?"

"Since Comrade Lenin looks so, I won't love women anymore."

Comrade Ivanovich, are you ready to sacrifice the party at any time? "

"Of course. Who wants to live like this?"

269.

"Can the general's son be a marshal?"

"Impossible. Marshal has a son."

270.

When Brezhnev visited India, a large number of Indians welcomed Brezhnev at the airport.

Brezhnev asked the Indian Prime Minister Ying Gandhi at the time, what method do you use to let so many people welcome me?

British Gandhi replied: Anyone who welcomes you can get 5 rupees (Indian currencies) awards.

Later, when I visited the Soviet Union, thousands of Soviets welcomed the road from the airport to the road in Moscow.

Bing Gandi asked Brezhnev: What way do you use so many people to welcome me?

Brezhnev replied: An Moscow who welcomes you, a fine of 5 rubles (Soviet currency) per person.

271.

Gorbachev inspected a collective farm. The farm secretary complained: All the piglets here are good, only one is always sick.

Gorbachev heard: Give me, gay.

Gorbachev took it back to the piglet for a week. Seeing that the pig was about to die, he put the piglets in the baby car early in the morning. : Comrade General Secretary, come out so early!

Gorbachev said panicked: Oh, not, my little grandson was so troubled and brought out.

Mi Gaoyang walked in front of the stroller and glanced and said, "Oh, how good a child, long like his grandpa!

272.

Alexander, Kaijie, Napoleon as VIPs participated in the red field parade.

——If I have a Soviet tank, I will be invincible! Alexander said.

——If I have a Soviet aircraft, I will conquer the world! Captain.

——If I have a truth, the world will not know Waterloo now! Napoleon said.

273.

"What is the difference between the legend of the fairy tales of the Soviet Union and the British?"

"The beginning of the British fairy tales is usually:‘ a long, long time ... ’and we are our; not far, not far ...

274.

Stalin made a report: ... the beautiful future has appeared on the Horizon of the Soviet Union ...

Old workers do not know what horizon is. After returning home, she asked her son. The son said: Horizon is a line that can be seen but can never go.

275.

——Abinoovic, do you often read newspapers?

—— Of course, how do I know that we live a happy life?

276.

One day Gorbachev visited a farm and saw a few pigs, and took a photo next to the pig.

The accompanying staff wrote in the photo: Gorbachev and pigs were together, but they felt inappropriate.

So it was changed to: Pig and Gorbachev were together, but it still felt wrong.

Finally, the words in the photo were changed to: "The third place from the left is Gorbachev."

277.

The Soviet Post issued previous leaders to commemorate the stamps. It was issued for one month, and the post was announced to stop using the stamp.

The reason is: the sender does not know where to spit.

278.

A freedom of speaking with the Soviets with the Soviets. Americans said: "I can shout‘ defeat the American imperialism ’in front of the White House. The police will never catch me.”

The Soviets were very unconvinced and said, "What are this. I can also shout in front of the Klinmlin Palace.

279.

At the meeting of the collective farm party, two problems will be studied: building a wooden shed and building a great Soviet. In the absence of wooden boards, the second question is directly studied.

280.

"Comrade, do you have any opinions on this question?" The party branch asked.

"Yes, I have an opinion, but I don't agree with my opinion!"

281.

Kindergarten. The little girl wrote the first little poem to recite:

There are big cats in my family, giving birth to three cats, cat eyes are still squinting, meow meow meow enters the party ...

The garden is happy, praise: The party committee will check it, obediently you ...

The inspection group is here, the child recite:

There are big cats in my family, giving birth to three cats, cat eyes are still squinting, meow meow enters the party ...

The principal whispered: Three, not two ...

The child aggrieved: But ... but the other has opened his eyes ...

282.

A Soviets were ready to immigrate to the United States, and the superiors knew that they were very unhappy. So he organized a committee to do ideological work.

The leader said, "Comrade, why do you go to the United States? Because you are not satisfied and not delicious?"

"no."

"Is it because the housing conditions are too bad?"

"no."

"Because the level of salary is too low?"

"no."

"Then we don't understand, you don't have any dissatisfaction, why go to the United States?"

"Because in the United States, I can be dissatisfied."

283.

American astronauts and Soviet astronauts also boarded the moon at the same time. Soviet astronauts announced that the moon belongs to the Soviet regime, and American astronauts were ordered from Houston: "Don't conflict with the Soviets."

As a result, the American astronauts watched the Soviets paint the whole month and golfed. At this time, they got instructions from Houston:

"Write a white Coca Cola on it."

Original link:
[Knowing the Xinghe Bubble: Soviet (Su Xiu), Eastern Europe and Cold War Joke Collection (11)] [2]